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Thursday, September 08, 2005
Friday Funny
As I have to go to the Dr. this morning- I thought I'd post this early. I will be back later today and let you all know how it went. But I thought you might like a giggle ( or two) to start the day:
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman
wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet. I noticed a
remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him
legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how
you can take boiling hot wax pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the
hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom
and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that
husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,
"It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The
sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers
that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs
him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge
bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some
tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to
the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a
tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo much
cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......so does she.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of
them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of
mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives
of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use
a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason
has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...The husband then turned to his wife and
asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so
stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife
responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would
be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to
you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then
we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you
should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee. "Husband replies, "I can't
believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed
him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says........."HEBREWS
Subject: For Those Who take life to serious
1. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
2. A day without sunshine is like, night
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
9. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
10. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese in the trap.
13 I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
17. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...
23. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
overlooked something.
26. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
28. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
30. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
31. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
32. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
33. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
34. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
36. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
37 Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
38. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Until Later- Peace, KC!
Invisioned on |7:50 PM|
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